Fear shows up in lots of different ways as we step out into our purpose.
For many of us our purpose is intricately tied to a pain that we’ve experienced in the past or an obstacle we’ve had to overcome. Finding the courage to pursue our purpose, often means that we have to face our fears, especially if we want to stop playing small and step fully into our brilliance.
One of the fears that I have had to face is learning to confidently ask for what I want. It sounds simple, right? But for those of us that grew up in dysfunctional environments or that have experienced abusive relationships, asking for what we want or need can summon up fear, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness.
Fear of asking for what I want kept me underpaid
Does this sound familiar? You are having an initial conversation with a VIP (Very Interested Prospect) and it’s going really well. They would be a perfect fit for the work you do and the results you could help them get are exactly what they need. They feel the same way and ask, “So how can I work with you? What’s the investment?” At this point, you are so glad it isn’t a Skype call and they can’t see the panic on your face. You know what you should say; you’ve scripted out the call and have mapped out the packages and pricing in your sales funnel. And even though you’ve practiced and prepared for this very situation, a knot forms in your stomach. Instead of being excited that this VIP is interested in working with you, you feel anxious and uncomfortable.
I’ve been there. Like a rookie quarterback, I’ve gotten sacked by fear, and offered rates that were lower than what I really wanted. Or, I’ve fumbled like a nearsighted wide receiver, and dropped the ball by giving a long complex explanation instead of just sharing what the investment was to work with me. I started dreading free consultations, so I became less consistent and less diligent about inviting people to schedule complimentary SHIFT sessions. At the same time, I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting new clients. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the contradiction between what I wanted and the action I was taking.
Facing my fear…taming the gremlin
I have to get personal for a minute. My own fear of asking for what I want is rooted in a few dark experiences from my childhood. One of them was asking my father for lunch money. On several occasions I remember him yelling at me as he angrily dug into his pocket to hand me a few dollars. I felt ashamed for needing money from him, ashamed for wanting to eat. It got to the point that I would rather sneak money out of his pocket while he was sleeping, than ask him and feel humiliated and unworthy. It’s not hard to connect the dots and see why it made perfect sense that when it came time to ask potential clients to pay me, all those feelings of unworthiness and shame would come back up.
[quote]”You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” ~Mary Manin Morrissey [/quote]
If I was going to move forward in my business, I needed to make a SHIFT. I didn’t need another marketing book or another class on how to find clients. I needed to make a change from the inside out, to find away to allow my faith to grow bigger than my fear. I used the same process that I now use with my clients. First I started by getting really clear about the SHIFT I needed to make. In order to confidently close sales conversations with the VIPs I wanted to work with, I needed to shift from feelings of shame to a sense of worth. Focusing on this specific change, I worked through the following questions:
- What would make it feel safe for me confidently ask for what I want?
- How can I gift that to myself?
- What insight or inspiration has my Creator given me about this situation?
- If I were fully free to ask for what I wanted, how that feel?
- Take Action: What next step can I take to ignite this transformation?
Are you like many of my clients who want to learn how to overcome fear of rejection, so they can confidently enroll clients at the rates they deserve? Use the questions above to help you make the SHIFT you need to build a profitable business.
Need help? Schedule a complimentary SHIFT Into Purpose session with me and let’s ignite your transformation.